“The American people will never knowingly adopt Socialism. But under the name of ‘liberalism’ they will adopt every fragment of the Socialist program, until one day America will be a Socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.”

Socialist Party presidential candidate Norman Thomas


Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Aarrrgh!!!

Avast, ye scurvy bilge rats! It's National Talk Like a Pirate Day.

On this fine day, everyone can talk like a pirate all day long. ‘Tis a fine way t’be speakin’, and if ye’ disagree I may make ye’ walk the ol’ plank. If ye don't know what to say to landlubbers today, here's a few pick-up lines to use...

For scurvy lads...

Avast, me buxom beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

Prepare to be boarded.


And for the lasses...

Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!

So, tell me, why do they call ye, "Cap'n Feathersword?"

That's quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!

Aye, I guarantee ye, I've had a twenty percent decrease in me "lice ratio!"

I've crushed seventeen men's skulls between me thighs!

C'mon, lad, shiver me timbers!


So most of those are probably not work-appropriate, so be sure to try them out on people who have a sense of humor and not those cry-baby bores who'll certainly go whining to the HR department about you. Have fun.

3 comments:

Bobby T said...

It always amazes me when we digress and move into the gutter. By the way, was Hillary preparing for Pirates day. Yo HO Ho, oh my bad, I am the Imus group now.

ed said...

It's not gutter. It's double-entendre. One is direct and offensive, and the other is subtle and offensive.

Bobby T said...

Ed I mean no harm, Gutter is gutter regardless of how we get there. I include myself as well.