Well, the Hadron Supercollider was fired up this morning and a stream of protons was accelerated to near light-speed. The stream circled the 27kilometer ring 11,000 times per second. Unemployed hippies the world over feared the worst, screeching that micro-black holes could form and slowly devour the Earth over eons......or conversely, one large stable black hole could form and devour it in 7 minutes.....they're not really sure which.
In our biggest scoop yet, TRR has uncoverd actual scientific artistry which shows exactly what researchers at Hadron expect to happen in a couple of months when they collide two streams of protons traveling in opposite directions near the speed of light.....
Well, something must be done. We just can't have the Earth blowing up. The unemployed hippies are right, this is scientific misconduct and recklessness at it's worst.
Sniveled 36 year old Earl Applebaum, a "student" traveling Europe and staying in hostels, between bong tokes, "Earth blowing up could endanger us all".
Why yes it could Earl, yes it could.
When we left Earl, he was gazing across the room, thoughtfully munching Doritos as he contemplated the existential meaningless of life......or it's possible he was just stoned.