And the award goes to.....

In the feircely contested competition for Absolute Worst Mom of the Year, it looked as though Dina Lohan would surely take the prize. But from the jaws of defeat, one of the Spears hillbilly clan has snatched glorious victory.

While raising not one but two stupid daughters got Lynne Spears into the competition, it was her blatant capitalization of Jamie Lynn's pregnancy that put her in the pantheon of bad parenting. It seems that with the pregnency announcement still hanging in the air, Lynne Spears struck a deal with a sleaze-bag tabloid to sell the first pictures of her grand-child for a cool million dollars.

I tell you what, nothing brings a tear to my eye like the unconditional maternal love between a mother and daughter.....if by "unconditional maternal love" you mean--the prostitution of your underage daughter to an adult male for self-enrichment purposes, and if by "brings a tear to my eye" you mean--causes stomach bile to enter the back of my throat.

So without further adieu, narrowly beating out Dina Lohan and that prostitute in Schenectady who performed sex acts in front of, and snorted blow while nursing, her kids, and then tried to sell them for more crack, the award for Absolute Worst Mom of the Year goes to (drum roll please)
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Lynne Spears!!!!

With this dramatic come-from-behind win Lynne Spears is eligible for the Absolute Worst Mom in All the Universe crown. She'll be competing with infamous heavy-weights such as Courtney Love, Joan Crawford, and Andrea Yates. So let's wish her luck as she embarks on her 2008 odyssey of self-enrichment and negligence at her daughters' expense.