A new sub-species of human

In a recent issue of the Journal of Human Evolution, a highly respected scientific periodical, researchers have described a new sub-species of human. Here is a synopsis of the article....

...These genetic anomalies are referred to as “homo slackass-erectus” and arose as a de-evolutionary spur through constant spineless posturing and physical idleness, which new research has shown selects for shorter legs and an inability to ambulate other than in an awkward shuffling gait.  The hallmarks of this sub-species are diminished brain function, developmental delays at post-adolescence, low verbal skills, and general avoidance of both eye contact and employment. Approach with caution as these creatures tend to be defensive and hostile if offered a job or belt.