Artie Lange attempts harakiri

I'm not making fun of suicide so keep your hate-mail to yourselves. I just found this story unusual as suicide attempts go....

HOBOKEN, N.J. – Police say self-inflicted stab wounds put Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange in a New Jersey hospital.

Competello says the 42-year-old comedian was unconscious but breathing after stabbing himself with a 13-inch Wolfgang Puck kitchen knife.

Lange was taken to Jersey City Medical Center. Competello says doctors cleaned nine abdominal knife wounds and operated. He says Lange has been released.

Everybody knows we pampered Americans don't have the guts(pardon the pun) to stab ourselves in the abdomen until death so, how is it that Artie Lange was able to do it nine times? And with a Wolfgang Puck knife too...I guess if there's anything to do with a celebrity, no matter how irrelevant, craven reporters throw it in the story. You'd think that after the first stab he'd be like, "Damn, that hurts. I think I'll just take some pills like everybody else."