International terrorist extraordinaire Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was reportedly shocked early Thursday morning to find himself not frolicking with 72 virgins and young boys in paradise as promised by the Quran, but rather condemned to everlasting pain, suffering, and eternal damnation in the firey abyss of Hell.
As he awaited his escort into the blazing depths the clearly astonished and disappointed al-Zarqawi offered a brief statement to reporters through an interpreter, "I cannot believe this transgression of Islam. There must be some mistake. You work your whole life toward the righteous goals of the conversion to Islam of running-dog infidels, the destruction of the Zionist entity whose citizens are decended from pigs and monkeys, and the eradication of bourgeoisWestern civilization from the planet, and for what? That darned Osama had better come out of his cave and get a clue."
After pausing for a refreshing sip of bottled water offered by a reporter, he adjusted his fashionably sporty hip-hop toboggin and continued, "If you see that rascal Bin Laden, you tell him for me, there ain't no paradise, there ain't no young boys, and there sure ain't no virgins! Blast.....I should have taken that scholarship to Yale when I had the chance."
As al-Zarqawi was led away by a teaming host of underworldlings, he shook his head dejectedly and was overheard muttering to himself, " Death to infidels, death to Jews...I can't believe I fell for that tripe!"
3 comments:
I'm cracking up! You know Zarqawi can't believe he's not in paradise. "The virgins" he's demanding, "Where are the virgins?"
I say good riddance!
Ed, this was great! Wish he had the chance to speak those words on CNN prior to exiting this earth. You are right! He will be so disappointed, but no one will ever get to hear his pain. Good riddance!
I was sort of hoping that we would hear that as he tried to escape from the approaching Americans after the air strike, he was shot trying to make a get away, but alas; we must be satisfied with 1000lbs of American justice raining down on him from the heavens.....that'll do. Now if only we could get Bin Laden too.
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