Tiger's big announcement

Tiger Woods is set to have a surprise press conference today at 11 AM ET. There is much speculation as to what it is, everything from retirement to he's taking a year off to have surgery to an explanation regarding his relationship with that trainer who got busted with performance enhancing drugs.

But here are a few alternative announcements that we might hear:

-Tiger's taking his talents to South Beach
-He'll start playing basketball for the Miami Heat because he wants Lebron to finally get a ring
-He's announcing that he's been gay all along and all the women were just cover
-He's taking some time off to help Casey Anthony find the real killer

Feel free to add your own predictions in the comments thread.

UPDATE: OK, here's the 411 on Tiger's big announcement. It was a press release by one of his people saying that Tiger and his agent Mark Steinberg were taking their talents to Excel Sports Management.......so frickin' what? He'd better start winning again or ESM won't want him hanging around A-listers like Derek Jeter and Ryan Howard.

David Tyree hates gays

Ex football players should keep their pie holes shut about cultural affairs and politics...too many concussions make them stupid....

From FoxNews -- Ex-NY Giants receiver David Tyree -- who made the LEGENDARY helmet catch in Super Bowl XLII -- is coming out against gay marriage HARD ... claiming it's the first step on the road to "ANARCHY."

Tyree made the statements during an interview earlier today with the National Organization for Marriage -- a faith-based anti-gay marriage group.

During the interview, Tyree is asked about the push to legalize gay marriage in the United States -- and says if it happens, "This will be the beginning of our country sliding toward ... it's a strong word, but anarchy."

Tyree is missing the point entirely regarding societal anarchy. Rather than gay marriage, he should try looking first at the 70% illegitimacy rate among blacks, their disproportionate share of violent crime commission, gang/thug culture among black youths, the intentional destruction of the black family by liberals from dependency, and the celebration in black culture of drug use, violence, unemployment, and fatherlessness.

Why doesn't Tyree fix the problems in his own "neighborhood" before blaming others for those problems?

What a bunch of hosers, ay!

Losers in Canada don't have anything to do except drink and play hockey, and those two often at the same time. Canadian fans of hockey don't have anything to live for except drinking. So it makes sense that when the team on which the self-image of all Canadians rests, loses the Stanley Cup, they riot in the streets and destroy their own neighborhoods. Actually, it makes no sense at all. Canadians are worse than ghetto-dwelling Americans who torch cities whether their team wins or loses, because Canadians aren't living in the ghettos. They don't even have that lame excuse.

From TheVancouverSun" -- VANCOUVER -- Angry Canucks fans are on a rampage, smashing windows, looting and torching cars and dumpsters on the streets of downtown Vancouver.

More than three hours after the Stanley Cup final loss, police are moving up Howe St. toward the crowd massed at the Chapters book store on Howe and Robson.

When your reaction to a team of strangers losing a silly game that nobody watches, is to destroy the neighborhood you live in, perhaps you need to find other interests outside of sports.

Ray Lewis unwittingly punks his fellow NFL players

Accused murderer and Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis had this amusingly ironic warning if the NFL cancelled it's season this Fall because of the lockout....

“Do this research. If we don’t have a season, watch how much evil, which we call it crime, watch how much crime picks up when you take away our game.”

It's as if NFL games represent societal safety valves, without which we descend rapidly into chaos and anarchy. That's so Orwellian sounding, like Two Minutes Hate from "1984". If America cannot stand without football, we deserve to collapse.

If there is no NFL season, idle players, not the fans, are far more likely to cause a minor national crime spree. 21% of NFL players have criminal records, far above the national average for men the same age.

The intelligence of the SEC athlete

We in the SEC cringe every time a football player is interviewed on TV because it becomes undeniably obvious that our football players are there for one reason, to win games, not to attend classes....clearly they rarely have in their lives. Witness Florida's former RB Mike Blakely on why he chose to transfer to a JUCO school and then try to get back in the SEC the following year....

From SaturdayDownSouth -- "It’s hot. I’m from Bradenton, but at least we get a breeze there, you know? This feels like you’re living in Satan’s crotchpit, and it’s only May. Also, I can’t stand live oaks. They’re the homeless man of trees. Just look at ‘em. All raggedy and shit. WE OUT."

"Live Oaks are the homeless man of trees"? I could go all year and not hear a pearl like that. I laughed out loud, but it was at Blakely not with him. Kind of the way you laugh at Beavis and Butthead...it's not  that they're all that funny, it's that they're that stupid.

SEC teams should keep their players sequestered from the media so we can maintain the thin charade that our football players are on scholarship for any reason beside playing football. Jeez!

Feminism: because not everyone can be beautiful

There was a sexism dust-up at the Masters yesterday when a security guard inadvertently denied locker-room access to a female reporter who wanted to interview Rory McElroy after his round. It was an honest mistake and Augusta National has apologized, but it reminded me of insufferable feminist Martha Burke's gender-discrimination protest at August back in 2003. This is the hilarious picture from her protest "march" outside the grounds. In every crowd of serious, self-righteous protesters, there's always one joker who knows how to have a little fun by exposing the protesters as the meddlesome harpies they are....heh heh.

Adrian Peterson plays the slavery card.....jumps the shark

Crybaby Adrian Peterson, Vikings running back, who makes $10.72million a year in base salary, is comparing the plight of NFL players to slavery. (You can stop laughing now. Apparently he's serious.)

He thinks that the NFL owners are making too much money for themselves and not sharing enough of it. That's the basis for the players going on strike, possibly cancelling the 2011 season.

Stupid NFL players who are looking for sympathy from ordinary citizens, who pay their lavish salaries and who are struggling to put gas in their cars and food on their tables, probably are barking up the wrong tree. When it costs $500 to take a family of four to a football game, it's hard to identify with players' demand for more money, knowing that the fans will be paying more for tickets to give it to them.

ARod....stupidest celebrity of the week

I've never like Alex Rodriguez. He's a self-absorbed cheater who lied repeatedly about using steroids in baseball. He's a horrible sport around the diamond as has been documented numerous times.
The girl with whom he's currently sleeping is one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood. Fox Sports cameras at the Superbowl caught a 5 second shop of Cameron Diaz feeding him a mouthful of popcorn, something all couples do from time to time. It's just not a big deal, yet ARod pitched a hissy fit during the game and forced Fox to not focus the cameras on him for the rest of the game. How he did this remains a mystery. I would have told him to SHUT-UP, sit down, and enjoy the rest of the game and if he doesn't want to be photographed, don't go out in public. Then Fox publicly apologized to him for airing the 5 seconds of footage. How stupid!

ARod confirmed that he is a primadonna, pretty-boy, a-hole. That he has no sense of humor is the worst quality in a celebrity and should earn him as much ridicule, mockery, and derision as we can heap upon him. What a contemptible jackass!

Sexting and harassment charges are the least of Brett Favre's troubles

And the news for Brett Favre just gets worse and worse.....

From FoxNews -- The younger sister of Brett Favre was among five people arrested in Diamondhead, Miss., after police discovered a meth lab, police told Fox News.

Officers responded to the condo complex after allegedly witnessing a drug purchase nearby. Specific charges against the three men and two women have not been announced yet.

The suspects were reportedly taken to a hospital for decontamination before being taken to jail. Hazmat teams entered the condo unit to dispose of the chemicals.

No wonder Brett kept un-retiring from football, he didn't want to go home and have to deal with his family.

You know you've hit rock bottom when the cops send you to get decontaminated before throwing you in the clink.

Why would the sister of a fabulously rich NFL, Hall of Fame quarter-back be a drug dealer? Come on Brett! Can he not take care of his own family any better than that? Give the girl some money or at least pay somebody to keep her out of trouble.

Chairman Zero injects himself into Michael Vick's success

I thought Obama was supposed to be focused squarely on jobs and the flagging economy, not on weird phone calls congratulating an NFL owner on a good employment decision....

From SportsGrid -- Obama called Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie and commended him for giving Vick the second chance many ex-prisoners never receive.

Would this phone call have been made if Vick's season had been a flop and he wasn't even starting? Like all politicians, Obama wants to be associated with the success and popularity of others. Also, would this call have been made if Lurie wasn't a big democrat donor and supporter of Obama's?

And lastly, call me racist if you want to but, would this call have been made if Vick was a white quarterback? You and I both know the answer to that....that's right, I said it!

The media cross the line.....again

The media for the most part are leering jackals who think that everything is their business and nothing is out of bounds. Even when there is no wrong-doing of any kind they can't leave a person's private life alone. It's disgraceful!

From People -- The coach is declining to comment after he and his wife Michelle have allegedly been linked to online profiles on several foot-fetish dating sites, reports the New York Post. Mildly kinky videos have also surfaced allegedly showing Michelle modeling her feet for her husband.

Ryan, 48, was barraged with questions about the issue at a press conference on Wednesday but repeatedly insisted it was "a personal matter" that he would not discuss.

As far as I can tell, no crime has been committed here except the media's asinine assumption that Rex and Michelle Ryan's private life is any of their business. That a reporter would dare ask even a single question about a person's sex life with his wife shows what lecherous, detestable jackasses members of the press are.

So Rex Ryan is still hot for his wife and her feet after all these years. Good for him! All couples in their 50's should be this hot for each other. No crime was committed. Nobody hit anybody with a 4-iron. No body got hurt or otherwise mistreated. What's Ryan's transgression that the despicable media think it's any of their business to even ask?

I'd like to see somebody hire a private I. to check up on, and then publicize the private lives of some of the reporters and reporterettes who think they have the right to pry into the Ryan's private lives.

Fox Sports may be ruining football for me

Fox Sports announced that it will start using situation-appropriate bumper music inbetween plays and during replays, kind of like a soundtrack to a movie.

I don't need to have my mood manipulated by music in order to be more emotionally involved in the game. If you are watching the game, you understand the situation and the addition of music would only be a distraction and a cheap trick to enhance the NFL experience. It's stupid and I predict it will last about as long as the no-announcer games 30 years ago....exactly one game. Why does the NFL need to mess with something that is working? Are there not enough viewers? Why make every game be like NFL Films? It's stupid!

Tom Brady completes his metrosexuality

Add Tom Brady's endorsement of UGG boots for men to the list of things that make him a douche, by cancelling out the things that make him manly....3 SuperBowl victories, marrying a Brazilian supermodel, etc. His wife's control of his womanly hairstyle was bad enough, but is a man wearing hideous boots that make your legs appear short and your ankles fat really that step toward metrosexuality Tom wants to take? I wonder what's next for Tom Terrific, dark emo eyeliner and ear jewelry?

There'll never be another Miracle on Ice

I'm dating myself but I clearly remember the thrill of the Miracle on Ice in 1980 in which the US hockey team (amateurs all) defeated the mean old Soviet Union team of grown, professional men, for the right to play and beat Finland in the gold-medal round. There's some sad news associated with that story....

From FoxSports -- A 1980 ''Miracle on Ice'' Olympic gold medal has been sold at public auction for nearly $311,000.

The medal belonged to Mark Wells, then a 21-year-old center for the U.S. hockey team. He sold the medal this year to a private collector, who consigned it to Heritage Auctions of Dallas.

The sad part is that Mark Wells needed money to pay for medical bills from spinal issues that have kept him mostly bedridden. He sold it to a collector who then put it up for auction and it fetched nearly three times what anybody had predicted.

The other sad but tangential part about this story is that shortly after that unbelievable underdog win, the US started allowing professional sports stars to participate in the Olympics rather than limiting it to amateurs. That gave rise to the absurdly boring Dream Team, and now Olympic sports are mostly no different than watching professional sports, which we can do anytime. There will never be another Miracle on Ice. I'd rather the US remain amateur and lose regularly, but have a chance of greatness like the '80 hockey team, than feign even mild interest in watching our professionals hammer the poor saps from the Ukraine or wherever. That's why I usually tune out the Olympics unless there are true amateurs competing in an obscure discipline like the luge or skeleton. I love those events because they are not professionals and you can die doing them.

A tranny wants to play golf with the chicks

In California, a male-to-female transexual wants to join the LPGA. What could go wrong?

Lana Lawless, the 2008 Women's Long Drive Association (LDA) champion, claims in her lawsuit that her civil rights have been violated by the LPGA. The LPGA rules state that no one can play on tour unless she was born female.

The LPGA has rejected Lawless' applications to enter qualifying events. Lawless is legally female after undergoing a sex change operation.

I'm sorry but just because the kooky laws of your state give you permission to pretend and be recognized as a gender that you are not, it doesn't mean you are actually that gender. Miss Lawless still has a Y chromosome in every cell in "her" body, which makes "her" a man. Moreover, despite all the estrogen she's taken to make her appear more feminine, she's still got the strength of a man, which would make it unfair for her to compete on the LPGA.

Tom Brady and Randy Moss are not friends apparently

Heh heh, before Randy Moss was traded this weekend from the Patriots to the Vikings in order to rescue Brett Favre's swan song, the story broke that Moss and Pat's QB pretty-boy Tom Brady got into a fight about each other's hair style. Idiots! Brady told Moss he should shave the corn rows off his head, to which Moss replied that Brady's Justine Bieber coif made him look like a little girl. (If you're keeping score at home, that's one point for Moss) Brady stupidly explained that his super-model wife Gisele Bundchen won't let him cut it......yeah Tom, that makes you come across way more manly now. (Score another point for Moss.)

As one observer put it, Brady telling Moss that he's got a bad hairdo is like Creed telling Nickelback that they're lame......uuuuhh pot, meet kettle. You decide for yourself who's got the stupider hair style.......

Is Tiger back....finally?

I don't really care what Tiger did off the course. It's no body's business but his family's and he certainly didn't owe anybody except Elin an apology and explanation. That said, I've been waiting for the old Tiger to finally pull it together and start kicking some butt on the tour again. Maybe this will be the week....

Tiger Woods finally looked like the No. 1 player in the world.

In his first tournament since his divorce, he played by far his best round of the year Thursday at The Barclays, missing only one fairway and two greens in a 6-under 65 for his lowest score this year.

I'm still a big fan of Tiger's. You self-righteous critics can get over yourselves. His personal life isn't your business to pass judgement on.

Hopefully a good showing this week will earn Tiger a spot on the Ryder Cup team and finally convince Phil that he can never be #1 as long as Tiger's on the tour. I think I'll go out and buy some Nike golf gear now, just to show my support.

Words of wisdom from Mike Tyson

Some of today's young sports figures could learn a valuable lesson from the brutal honesty of Mike Tyson....

There really ought to be mandatory programs in every pro-sports league that teach these young guys who've come from poverty how to handle the sudden acquisition of unimaginable wealth and the the freedom to waste every bit of it. You look at these guys with their new NFL and NBA contracts and they've got 15-20 dingleberry "friends" hanging around them everywhere they go....at least as long as the money lasts. And their lawyers and financial handlers are robbing them blind and they don't have a clue.

It's always shocking to hear, but we regularly hear about a pro-sports star who had everything, millions in the bank, and ended up destitute and homeless because they blew it all. You wonder how a person can be that stupid, but it's not stupidity alone. It's also immaturity, inexperience, and absence of positive role models.

Tour de France withdrawal

Per my habit for the last three weeks, I woke up this morning and checked the clock to see if Tour coverage had started yet on VersusHD, before I remembered that it was over. Bummer!

Now we have to wait 11 months and a week to see it again. Hopefully Versus will televise some of the other premier bike races around the world so I don't have to wait all year for the Tour to return. To tide you over until the next race, here's the highlight reel of Mark Cavendish's 5 stage wins with his epic sprint to win the final stage yesterday....ENJOY!

Somewhere in Time

Posted by Reid:

Yesterday evening, while driving back home from my out of town business trip, I had a "Twilight Zone" moment. I had found a nice soft rock set of songs that helped keep the mellow mood going. Darkness in the car, save for the green dashboard lighting, nice relaxing sounds, no one on the road... THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THIS IDIOT BREAKS INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE SONG TO TELL ME THAT THIS LEBRON JAMES GUY IS GOING TO MIAMI! APPARENTLY THE WORLD WAS TEETERING ON COLLAPSE AND I DID NOT REALIZE IT... back to our soft songs again.

Why did we have a TV show for this yahoo to announce his team change. Couldn't it just have been done as brazenly as the rest of the pro athletes do it, or did we have to create a new level of hype for others to follow (or top eventually). And by the way who cares where this cat plays? We have some real problems that need addressing in this country and the most important is not the multi-million dollars this guy will get to move to Miami and shoot hoops. Oil slick in the gulf.... not getting smaller or slowing down/ financial issues abound.... more people losing jobs.. not turning around quite yet there Mr. Prez!/ war in the Middle East... not slowing or winding down....when will that happen?

Issues, real issues. If you are going to interrupt my CSN tune it better really be a big story of epic proportions not the free agency announcement du jour. As the world continues to spiral out of control, somewhere in time there is a spot where all will get straightened out. I just hope I get to see it. Alas I'm stuck with FM night time DJ's with nothing else to do but troll the Internet and watch ESPN for tidbits to ruin the night. Sad but true. I'm out.........