The Wayfair memes just keep on coming

This is hilarious because rich celebrities collect children like they collect handbags and endorsements. They're career accessories to keep the public interested in them a little bit longer.

San Fran public health fail

San Francisco public health fail:

The authorities in San Fran put up these signs to remind people who go outside to exercise to observe the social distancing guidelines, but even my rudimentary geometry and algebra skills tell me that in this sign, the "neighbor" people are only about 4.2 feet apart.

Eat Mor Chikin

Until the Coronavirus threat has passed, Chick-fil-A will be using the bat instead of cows as their mascot.

Give blood, assholes. It's the least you can do

The LifeSouth phlebotomist told me as she painlessly jabbed me with the needle this morning, that on a normal Tuesday, they get 5-10 donors, but today they have 75 scheduled. That’s good.

If you hoard toilet paper in a crisis all you are is an asshole, but if you CAN give blood and you don’t during a supply crisis, you might be costing somebody their life.

If you haven’t given blood since the Wuhan Virus hit, get out there if you qualify and do your part.

Bring our yer dead

Note to self: the neighbors don't appreciate it when you put on your Renaissance Fair costume and push your wheelbarrow up and down the street at 6:00am, ringing a bell and yelling, "Bring out yer dead. Bring out yer dead".

The Clinton's Epsteined Weinstein

Harvey Weinstein tested positive for Coronavirus in prison. Wow!

By infecting an already infirm 68-year-old man with what is almost certainly a deadly virus to him, the Clintons have effectively "Epsteined" Weinstein.

It's so diabolical I almost respect it. 👍

Joe Biden is feeling left out

Poor old demented Joe Biden keeps raising his hand but nobody's calling on him. The Wuhan Virus has taken all the air out of the room and Joe's attempt to dethrone President Trump has been all but forgotten.

Joe's election team decided to let him start doing a "virtual town hall" from his home. The problem is it's Joe Biden. He's incoherent, doddering, and wanders off-camera in mid-sentence. This is the hardest, cringing 4 minutes of video I've ever watched. Mercifully, they cut the feed so Joe didn't embarrass himself further.

I mean watch this and tall me you can imagine this guy being president. Even after this, his desperate campaign staff will let him start doing daily Coronavirus briefings just like Trump so he can tell the world what he would do instead. Sorry Joe but second-guessing a president from an armchair during a national crisis isn't a good look.

You wonder when the men in white coats and butterfly nets will take him by the arm and say it's time for your pills Joe and maybe a nap.

The strange days of Covid-19

Actual footage of the kid I hired to clean up the poop in my yard, when he learned that I don't have a dog.

via GIPHY

Necessity gives rise to adaptation

Necessity really is the mother of invention....and now adaptation.

When you gotta go, you gotta go

Are soft, flour tortillas flushable? Asking for a friend.